Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
