Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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