i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
