I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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