fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
