It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
