Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
