bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
