I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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