threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
