oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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