i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
