Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
