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I need you to use more vowels.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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