OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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