I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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