I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it was like eating out sand paper
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
