I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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