If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
