dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
