Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
