I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
