i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize