I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
