Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
being pregnant is like rehab
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
