I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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