my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this must be what syphilis tastes like
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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