So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
