yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
