if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
