This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
