Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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