I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
