You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
