When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
