is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
