My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
