She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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