It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
