worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
