Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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