I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
