I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
