PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
