I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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