I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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