Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
