Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
