it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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