so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
