I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
