no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
