Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
