I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
