Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
