I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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