Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
