His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Acid is not a monday night drug
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
