they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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