home. puking in laundry basket.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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