my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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