The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
