I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize