I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If that was your dad, he is hot
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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