Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
either way he was missing a nipple.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
