cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
