i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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