I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
