I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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