Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't notice because vodka
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
