Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
