you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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