Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
