Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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