did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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